Reassured

Last night, after dinner, I sat down on the couch. Usually that's the time when my baby decides to start disco dancing, so I was well prepared for that, or at least a case of the hiccups. That didn't happen however. I didn't feel anything. I started to think when I had last felt the baby, and that's when I started to worry. I couldn't remember feeling the baby all afternoon. Not when I laid down for my nap, not while I sat on the couch. And I usually feel the baby as soon as I sit down.

One of the things my midwife had told me on Monday, was to call if I didn't feel the baby as much as I had before, considering the bloodpressure and traces of protein. So - rather stressed out - I called M, who was on his way back from a trade fair in Amsterdam and of course was stuck in traffic. He told me to call the midwife, who asked me to come in to the office right away.
So I walked over to the in-laws (who live down the street) and my mother-in-law took me to the midwife's. Thank goodness she found a very strong heartbeat, so that was nice. My blood pressure was through the roof (understandably, considering my stress) but the traces of protein in my urine were gone. M came in right when she told me she wanted me to go to the hospital for a CTG, just in case.

So we went to the hospital and I was hooked up to a machine. They took my blood pressure again, and took a 30 minute CTG. The hospital midwife told me it looked like a happy baby, and it showed lots of movements. The weird thing was that I still hadn't felt anything. She made an ultrasound which also showed a moving baby. I just didn't feel it. That's why she called in the ob/gyn. The ob/gyn also made an ultrasound and took a lot of time for us. We got a very good view, we even saw the baby's face. He/she was sucking his/her thumb! She told me that the baby had dropped nicely and that I probably didn't feel anything because the placenta was very close to the baby's arms and legs. So if it moves a little, it's cushioned by the placenta, and that's why I don't feel it. Apparently it had turned around recently, because its position was different than last week.

She measured a few body parts. The baby has a big head (which all people in my side of the family do, hats never fit me) and long legs (like my husband). The growth was equivalent of a 38 week baby (and I was 37 weeks and 1 day). She measured it at 3 kilos, or 6 lbs 10 oz. Both the ob/gyn and the midwife told me it will be a "healthy big baby".
All in all I'm glad I went in. I wouldn't have slept at all, and I was getting so stressed out. It cost us an hour and a half but definitely reassured us all was fine. I don't even have to in to the midwife's again today, because they tested me so thoroughly last night. Phew!

It hit me like a ton of bricks...

... that we're not only demolishing, but building too. That seems to be good news. On the other hand, the cabin fever hit me too. All of a sudden I was annoyed by the lack of privacy, and mad at myself for those emotions. We are very grateful to all the people who help us with the remodeling. Without them, it would cost us a lot more money. But at the same time, it would be nice to not have people around the house (and trailer) all the time. It would be nice to be able to say "OK, it's 19:00 and I'm going to get into my pajamas and veg out on the couch. That is not possible. My M gets home from work, eats dinner, changes into his work clothes and gets to work. Around ten o'clock he walks in the house, drinks something and goes to bed. Lovely.

But it's all worth it. And I should not be complaining. It's only temporary, and it's all worth it. I just need to get over myself sometimes...

It's over!

This is a little video of me, singing Van Jonge Leu en Oale Groond (what do you think, Janneke?). It's the leader theme to a popular tv series here in the Netherlands.

I'm pretty proud of my exam. I passed, my grade was 6.5 out of 10. That doesn't seem very high (5.5 is passing) but that's ok. I agreed with the comments the jury made. After I "messed up" (ie played some wrong notes) I got a little tense and found it hard to relax and let the music flow. And that could be heard. But the jury also said that they could hear I had made a lot of progress in four years. When I started the conservatory I was terrified to play in front of musical people, and the slightest wrong note could make me panic (not exaggerated!). Now, I started a piano piece but noticed it was a little too dark. So I stopped and asked the light technician to give me some more light, and then started over. And that went well!
Considering the fact that three months ago I still slept about sixteen hours a day, I'm pretty darn proud of myself. And I'm so glad this is over!! Now all I have to worry about (college wise) is my thesis and 2 small assignments and then June 29 will be my graduation date!

Very close

Monday the 21st is the date of my final practical exam. I've been very worried and stressed about it, but now I'm pretty confident. Monday night we had the dress rehearsal and last night was the last walk through. It didn't go very well yet, but that's why they were rehearsal. The teacher that guides me told me he was confident and he thought it was a good exam. My piano teacher told me she had never heard me play like I did in four years, and she had never expected me to come this far! Boy was I flattered... And I know I'll pass, otherwise my teacher would have told me to cancel the exam.
Even though I've had sleepless nights and worries, today was a stress free day. M and I worked in the garden. I planted tomatoes, peppers and zinnias that I had sown eight weeks ago. I sowed radishes, lettuce, carrots, beets, leeks and planted potatoes. I've noticed before that working in the garden soothes me. I think I'll be ok. It's only an exam, it's not the end of the world...
(And those of you that have been following me closely know that it's a big step for me to say this!)

I wish I was a chicken

Despite the wonderful summery weather, my head has been pretty stormy lately. So many things have been going on, and it's hard to keep track of everything. The short version:
This week I had to go to my college town 4 nights. Monday and Tuesday three of my friends had their final music exams, Wednesday I started rehearsals for my own exam (which is scheduled for 21 May) and last night I went to a friend's house for dinner and help on some exam arrangements. Of course I played the piano (almost) every day to prepare for my exam, and did voice exercises.

On top of that, we also met with the priest, set up an appointment to meet with the minister, picked out and ordered our wedding invitations, picked out rings and flowers and did some other random wedding prep work.

Just so we wouldn't get bored, we also gathered paper work for the mortgage company (unbelievable how much stuff you need to sign and copy). Oh and of course I had my last practical day for my thesis, and did a bunch of reading and writing.

I think I remember teaching school too, and doing housework.

I remind myself that in a month from now, my practical exam and most other stressful things will be over. After that it's just preparing for the wedding and enjoying the summer. But so many things have to be done before that... Please think of me and forgive me if I don't write as often as I usally do!
And yes, I still schedule nap times and lay-out-in-sun times and try to enjoy them without thinking too much of the things I have yet to do.
I wish I was one of my chickens, then all I had to do was eat, sleep, drink and make an occasional egg...