Sad

Tonight I was sad and felt sorry for myself. It was because I made a decision. I feel I won't be able to do well on my practical music exam which was planned for 19 March. I had been worried and stressed over it, even losing sleep (which is weird, if you have mono).

That's why I decided that I am going to try and postpone it. Today was a bad day, all I could do was lie on the couch, basically. I did a few loads of laundry but didn't even feel like putting the clean clothes away. But I did make that decision (which was also a lot of work!).That's why I called my counselor and told him about my worries and how I felt like postponing. He totally understood and said he expected the committee to agree, because this was on medical grounds (and not lazy grounds, which tends to happen sometimes). But when I hung up the phone I was not a happy camper. I called my dad and cried, and then I called my best friend and cried. She immediately came over (even though she lives half an hour away). I was happy to have her company. M was away (Monday is his fireman-night) and I felt lonely. All I do is sit in this house, by myself, not being able to be my usual self. She told me all the sweet things I wanted to hear, and said I was totally entitled to complain. And that helped, so now I'm going to bed (once again)...

Complain, or not?

Well, isn't this weird. I just went online to write a blog to complain. I've been so tired, it's hard to concentrate and it seems like all I can do is sleep and watch dvd's. I had one of those nights where you just sit and feel sorry for yourself. I watched one of those true-story-tv-movies and felt even sorrier for myself.
But...
When I opened up Outlook Express I found an e-mail from a friend in the United States, saying that his wife's spinal surgery went well. Her tumor was removed. I didn't even know she had a tumor....
Why am I complaining about being tired? Mono is one of those things that pass, provided you take good care of myself. This is one of those moments that are humbling and put both feet back on the ground....

Mono part II

It seems like since I've known that I have mono, I haven't been able to do anything. Everything makes me tired. I fold a load of laundry, I sleep. I unload the dish washer, I sleep. I clean the cat boxes, then have to sit on the couch. Everything goes in little steps but I'm not used to that yet. So I end up being suprised at being tired again already. This weekend a famous Dutch singer came to a festival in our town, and we had bought tickets for the event two months ago. I really wanted to see him so I went there for 2 1/2 hours and of course then I was exhausted. It was cool to see him, though.

The good part is that whenever I don't feel like doing something, I don't do it. I have to listen to my body, right? And the other good part is that my cross stitching is really hurrying up. It doesn't cost a lot of energy and it makes me feel like I'm doing at least something productive.

Mononucleosis

You may have noticed I haven't been online much in the past few weeks. That's because I've been tired, really really tired. After school I would just sit down, take naps or do something else that didn't require much thinking. I even took a home pregnancy test. That wasn't it, (thank goodness, because that wasn't the planning) and I was still tired.
That's why I went to the doctor's last week Thursday. I felt sort of like a loser, because what kind of complaint is that? "Doctor, I'm so tired". But since I do usually listen to my body I went anyway. He took me seriously and recommended a blood test, so I went to the hospital where they drew 5 tubes of blood. I called today and the assistant told me I have Mononucleosis, what we in Holland call Pfeiffer's disease. The white blood count was low and I had 2 out 3 Pfeiffer tests turn out positive. That combined with my symptoms told them that I was easily diagnosed. The HB was fine and so was my blood pressure (120/70).

And now? I'm still contagious (my M was happy to hear that, not! He said he'll still kiss me, thank goodness) and I should stay home for the next two weeks. The dr said "Tell the people at work the doctor said so. Enjoy giving into it. When you're tired, go to bed."
I guess my mental health day wasn't just mental, but also physical. And necessary.